Geneology Disaster
by Jane Doe Re Me
Summary: Edward is trying to get drunk, Emmet is trying to figure out why..."Would this have anything to do with Bella?" "She took up genealogy." "Huh?" "Bella took an interest in genealogy, did some research and discovered..."


He was seated in the back corner of a rowdy bar beneath a shattered light bulb from a fight the night before. Occasionally he would take a sip of his drink and grimace at the taste, though only the man who just entered the bar would notice. To everyone else his face was an emotionless mask.

At the door the newcomer grinned and loped over to the corner, his hulking body easily parting the drunken masses before reaching the lull surrounding the corner dweller. "Edward! I've been looking all over for you. The family's been worried. What's happening?"

Edward took a large gulp of his drink finishing it off before signaling the waitress for another.

The newcomer takes the new drink as soon as it's brought and takes a sip before quickly spitting it back into the cup. "Eddy that's worse than month old herbivore blood and at least the herbivore would stay down."

Edward moves to get another drink before lurching slightly to the side and throwing up the undigested liquor in the corner behind him. He straitened up glanced at the contaminated drink in front of his companion and takes a sip.

"Dude that's gross."

Edward stared vacantly over his companions shoulder as he continued to sip his drink.

"You know you can't get drunk right? After living a hundred years I thought you'd have this figured out."

Edward finally deigned to reply "I can not be affected, but everyone else in this bar can. A room full of drunken thoughts, combined with the humans poison creates an illusion of drunkenness if not the real thing."

"Really? That works?"

"No."

"Ah, well. Why are you trying to 'get drunk' so to speak?"

...

"Would this have anything to do with Bella?"

"She took up genealogy."

"Huh?"

"Bella took an interest in genealogy, did some research and discovered..."

"Don't leave me in suspense."

"I didn't even know Emmit. I have no memory of her, none what so ever."

"of who?"

"It wouldn't have been a problem, if she had not have found the photograph."

"What photograph? Some porno or something bro?" Emmit laughed heartily "The hundred year old virgin with porno?!"

"No, my engagement photograph."

"What."

"Isabell Swaney, and no the similarities couldn't end there. She could practically be Bella's twin Emmit. HER TWIN." Edward knocked his glass off the table with the force of his lowered fist. "and, I can't remember her. Not one godforsaken inkling of who Isabell Swaney was. How can I be replacing her with Bella if Bella is the only women I remember loving? How?"

Emmit gapped at Edward, "You were engaged?"

"According to the announcement, yes. But, Bella could have forgiven me that, she could have even forgiven me the ring..."

"Wait," Emmit interrupted. "I want the full story, what ring?" Emmit's eyes twinkled in merriment. It wasn't every decade something this interesting happened, and to think he had been living with Edward for over 50 years without knowing.

Edward's face went stony as his eyes focused on a fixed point over Emmit's shoulder. "Apparently Bella's engagement ring never belonged to my mother."

"Oh, this is getting good," Emmit leaned forward in anticipation "continue."

Edward's glare should have caused bodily harm but Emmit just focused fixedly on Edwards face like a child anticipating the climax of a favorite bedtime story.

"I'm not a virgin"

Emmit took a moment to absorb the latest development. "So, you didn't wait until you and Swaney were married?"

"Apparently not."

"Well, it must be rough finding out you can't remember your first time, but I'm sure Bella could forgive you a shag 80 years past...wait I thought you couldn't remember Swaney?"

"I can't"

"Than how could you know...?"

"Apparently my first time bore fruit...a son to be precise."

Emmit sat back stunned for a moment before throwing his head back and laughing uproarsly

"Bella loves you Edward. She wants to become a vampire and spend forever with you. Great great grandchildren you didn't know existed won't change that."

"It was her own geneology."

Emmit paused confused. "What?"

"She was researching her own family geneology. She's my great great granddaughter." Edward then signaled the waitress for two more drinks and tried once again to drown in the drunken thoughts surrounding him.


End file.
